Monday, May 23, 2011

Purpose

Hey Guys,

I know it has been awhile. But today I want to talk about purpose. One of the things I enjoyed most about having Madison was the feeling of purpose in my life. Yeah the getting up early to feed her was hard. But I never once complained.

Every sat morning was my morning to let Kellie sleep in and I would get up, feed Maddie, and play with her until Momma woke up. She would always wake up about 30 minutes after me because she hated to miss anything even if me and Maddie were just watching TV, or playing on the computer, Kellie was right there by our sides.

I find it very hard to find a purpose in my life now that Maddie is gone. I know that I want to be the best Husband and Best father to my future children I can be. But sometimes I just feel like my whole reason for getting up is gone when I wake and realize it is another day without my baby girl.

I used to count the minutes until I got off work so I could get home and see my Maddiebug and spend time with her and Kellie. Most of the time Kellie would meet me in the driveway with Maddie and give me a big hug even though I was sweaty and stinky from work. I loved those moments and will cherish them forever.

Anyway I am at work and some of the guys that work under me walk around here like they have no purpose. Just remember, even if you are tired of your job, try not to show it. When you are walking somewhere, walk with a purpose. Show the people around you the Devil is not winning. Even if he is pulling at your insides, show the people and especially the ones you love that the devil will not win.

When it is time for raises and promotions and all that...they are going to give it to the people that have a purpose. Not someone who walks around waiting for the time to go home. Hope this helps someone out there needing a little pick me up and hope everyone has a good day!

~James

5 comments:

Nance Mommy said...

James, I can't imagine the feelings that you have. But I know that by reading Kellie's blog too and following you both on your journey, that you do have a purpose. You are her husband, her rock and the only one that knows truly how she feels. Together you have gone down this road and it will forever be a road for just you two. Other parents have their own road to walk. Stay by her side on this road, help her over the potholes and continue to be the man that she has leaned on these past few months. Your purpose is still the same, you are still Kellie's husband AND Maddie's Daddy! She will always be your little bug. And someday when God sees fit, you and Kellie will make the decision to bring another little one into the road with you. Stay strong, and most of all stay constant in your love for Kellie and Maddie. My prayers are always with your family.

Lea Nance

Kellie Staats said...

Babe, You are my purpose in life. You are the reason I get out of bed every morning. If I didn't have you there would be no reason to keep on living. Together we will win this horrific journey! I know we can,we have to!!

So let me be your purpose. Lets lean on each other. When I am falling you pick me up. When you are falling I will pick you up. I know this journey has brought us closer together.

I love you so much!!!!

I am Someone Special to my Family said...

Besides being there for Kellie, you are there for so many people who have been in your shoes. You two are an inspiration to people out there that have each other to fall back on when things like this happen. The two of you are even an inspiration for people who have not even been close to being in your shoes. Your purpose is to show strength and love for so many out there that don't have that luxury...i hope that makes sense. Have a wonderful day, and the two of you are in my prayers.

Lacey said...

Hey James,

My husband and I have not lost a child so I cannot imagine being in your shoes and the struggle you have with purpose...with that being said, purpose is my husband and I's BIGGEST fight.

I do everything with purpose, for myself, my husband, my family and my friends. I am so optimistic, even in horrible situations, because I know if I get out alive, it sure beats the heck out of the alternative.

He has a hard time holding onto purpose. It really hurts my feelings sometimes because I think, "shit, it could ALWAYS be worse, he has me and our parents and friends"- he has really came a long with doing things and living with purpose, mostly because I preach to him about it constantly. About having purpose and being thankful for that purpose!

So I am so glad you wrote this- you are so so so right, and I am going to make him read this. So he realizes, even you and Kellie have SUCH purpose with the unimaginable tragedy you have faced. Kellie's drive in unbelievable, and you are obviously such a support for her drive and purpose. I pray for you both, but more than anything, I have hope, for happiness, for our future. And I have faith, that your future as a family will be wonderful. Smile because I get all of that just from reading a random strangers blog- that would be you and Kellie!

You two are truly great people! Keep moving forward, keep your purpose!

Paula Fanning said...

Wow....You do not know much your words took effect on me. Thank you for that. I was just upset TODAY about my job, being unappreciated, etc. I just had gallbladder surgery and was at work the day after I got out of the hospital and was so upset today because my boss was upset i was behind. Hey at least I went to work after surgery! I will live by your word...with a purpose. Thank you and Kellie for helping us fortunate ones to realize what we have in front of us. Kids, jobs, money, and the list goes on.