So I made a blog a very very long time ago to try and drum up some business in the Automotive field, particularly BMW. I was working at Adams Automotive and not getting much work so I thought I would make a blog and try to get some people that way. I never followed through with it and so much has changed since then.
Me and my wonderful wife Kellie had the most amazing thing happen to us. We got pregnant. I still remember the day she told me like it was yesterday. We were full of excitement and joy! Then a few months later we found out it was a girl and my heart melted! I was a tuff guy who works out all the time and works on cars all day and now was going to have this wonderful baby girl to come home to!!
She was born on October 14th 2010 and was the most precious thing I have ever laid my eyes on. She had a red tint to her hair. We always joked we would get a red head because my father has red hair. I fell so deeply in love as soon as I met her! We named her Madison Paige!! Everything was set up so perfect for us to have the perfect family!!
On February 17th 2011 I got the worst phone call of my life. My wonderful baby girl wasn't breathing. Immediately I began to pray and beg God to take care of my baby girl. I couldn't breathe. My knees were weak.. As I type this my heart is pounding reliving this horrible moment in my life. I got to the hospital and my wife told me the news. She is gone is all she could manage to say....... My life changed forever.
It has been 9 weeks as of tomorrow since she got her angel wings and we could not miss her more. We hate being in this club. They tell us she died from SIDS which stands for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I didn't really know what that was until this happened to us. I don't know why God took her away from us but the only way I can deal with it is telling myself he is saving her from something much worse in the future.
I am glad I got to spend 4 amazing months with one of Gods angels and the only thing I could ever want is to have her back. I wear a dog tag with her on it and am thinking of getting a tattoo of her on my chest on my Heart. She will always be with me and I am glad I kissed her every day before I went to work and told her I loved her!
The title for my blog is "The best is yet to come" and I still believe that, but it is really hard to think of what could top holding that precious angel in my arms again. I want to thank all of the people who have helped me and Kellie through this. Meg, Michelle and Derek, Catherine, My Mom and Dad, Kellie's Mom and Dad, Travis, Brad, Lisa and Chris, there are so many!! There have been numerous people reach out to us through Kellie's blog with encouraging comments!
To all of you thank you so much. The whole can never be filled in our hearts but having friends like you helps it heal a little. I had to get this all out so thank you for reading it. Love you and think about you everyday Maddiebug!!!!
Love,
James
24 comments:
You are such a wonderful Daddy & STRONG Husband!!! God has big plans for yall!! You will always miss Maddie but she is looking down smiling at her beautiful parents!!!
Beautiful and heartwrenching. My thoughts and prayers are always with you and your little family. Thank you for being such a wonderful husband to Kellie and an amazing daddy to your little angel in heaven. You honor her every day just by being you.
Speachless! You and kelly are simply amazing!!! I think of you everyday and hope your future brings you peace.
Love,
Christina
Babe... You are such a wonderful Daddy and husband. Maddie is so lucky to have such a loving daddy. She loves you so much! I know right now she is telling all the other angels how wonderful you are. I love you so much!!
You are such a strong husband and daddy! I know Maddiebug is looking down on her mommy and daddy everyday smiling. I read Kellie's blog everyday and it makes me want to be a better mom and stronger women. I cont. to send you both prayers each and everyday. Im sure that god has great things in store for you and Kellie <3
you are aboth amazing people. i think about you both and maddie daily. your baby has touched so many people and by your sharing your story, i do a little bit more than i think i can with my kids. and i definitely take pictures daily now (thanks to kellie)!
James and kellie, I pray for you both everyday. I have faith that God will bless you abundantly. Maddie was blessed to have such wonderful parents to give her so much love and happiness.
Thinking of you always,
Karen
I have been praying since I first read Kellie's blog and will continue to pray. God is so big and his plan is perfect and I hope you will see that someday, as my husband and I did.
I am SO glad you have decided to do a blog :) The best is yet to come--this is very true! Maddie has great things in store for you & Kellie. Stay strong & know that you guys have SO much support & so many prayers coming your way.
You are an amazing father and husband! I continue to pray for you and Kellie. You both have the most precious guardian angel and I know she is smiling down on you and very proud of both of you.
Ginger
May God bless you and Kellie in every way! Your precious Maddie has touched so many hearts. I have been following Kellie's blog just a couple days after Maddie made her trip to Heaven. My heart hurts for you and her. My baby boy is just a couple weeks younger than Maddie, and I can't even imagine the pain of losing such a precious child. I also believe that everything happens for a reason, even if we don't understand it, even if it is bigger than us. There was a reason that you and Kellie were chosen as her parents, and there is a reason you are still here. God has plans for you! Hold on to your faith and love and you will be ready for God's blessings when they come to you!!
What a great blog James. You guys have been so so so very strong! Maddie is proud...I just know it. Love you guys!
PS-Totally think you should get a tattoo. Love that idea!
My husband loves having a baby girl and melts everytime he sees her! I couldn't imagine that getting taken away from him! We don't know how you guys do it but your strong and amazing! Great blog! The best is yet to come! Keep your head up
HOW SWEET!!! YOUR BLOG POST IS PRECIOUS... BROUGHT ME CHILLS... :) YOU BOTH ARE AMAZING AND HAVE GREAT COURAGE... CONTINUE AND FAITH.... I LOVE YOUR BLOG TITLE!
I have followed Kellie's blog for awhile now. It is going to be a new view to SIDS. I have heard the mother's side of how she suffers the loss, never have I heard the father's. You and Kellie are such an inspiration to so many. May God bless your marriage and family with strength and love forever.
Beautiful post Daddy!!
Such a great post...I've been following your wife's blog for a little bit now and I am thinking of the two of you and Maddie constantly!!!
James,
You and Kellie are such wonderful parents and I know Maddie is just looking down at both of you everyday and guiding you into the next chapter of your lifes. Maddie has touched all of our lives and I want to thank you and Kellie for sharing your beautiful angel with all of us. I pray that God gives you strength and nothing but the best from this day forward for you two wonderful people. God Bless you always.
Just beautiful. She was so lucky to have a daddy like you.
Your strength inspires me! My daughter and I participated in "hairbow" day for Maddie - my heart broke when I heard of your loss. Your family has been in my prayers everyday since.
James,
I regularly read your wife's blog and you and your family have been in my heart since the day I discovered your blog. Thank you for posting the dad's perspective in such a tragic experience. There are few men who would have the strength and courage to write about how they feel. In doing this, you will not only have an outlet for your pain, but you will be inspiring others. You may have readers who just got a similar phone call. There are dads out there who might not know if it is normal to feel the way that they do. You are inspiration and you have the power to reach more people than you will ever know. Keep writing. I applaud you for taking this step. Keep 'em coming, one foot in front of the other.
Lacie
my blog: http://funnylittlepollywogs.com
You are an amazing Daddy. Maddie is one very lucky little girl! And the tattoo sounds like a great idea. Post pictures when you get it!!! Hugs to you and Kellie.
What a great testimonial to sweet little Maddie. I just know there are great times out there for you and Kellie. How could there not be with a little angel watching out for you.
I read your wife's blog and I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious baby girl. She truly is beautiful and was a real life angel...take comfort in that she is watching over her parents and is waiting to someday be reunited with you again. I hope someday soon you will have another baby, I know it cannot ever replace your sweet baby, but it will give you comfort to keep going and to feel whole again...much love, prayers.
Praying for you and your sweet wife.
tara pakosta
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